Regarding the previous post about Mike and Seth…scratch that. I’m back where I started.
Mike and I made plans for Saturday night via a Wednesday night phone conversation. This is supremely routine, and I followed the protocol by calling him from work on Saturday. He did not answer, so I left him a message with an idea of what to do for our date.
I’d like to back up a bit to explain the Seth side as well. He came over Tuesday night, the day before that Wednesday phone call. I had not felt the need to announce, “Hey Seth, I have a boyfriend!” but had slipped it into conversation. I’d tell him I had a date when he asked me what my plans are for the weekend, or I’d explain in a text that I couldn’t talk, I’m with a guy. More recently we had made our relationship official, and I said the word “boyfriend” a few times to him. Anyway, that Tuesday night visit involved giving one another massages, and lots of hard core flirting (the same kind we’d been doing for weeks via text or discreetly at work). We came really close to making out and fucking, without actually doing so, but he did suck on my nipples and finger me, and I felt his large package over his underwear. He asked me what I was thinking a few times. I remember telling him that it was probably all against “the rules” since I had a boyfriend.
I really wanted to see where it went with Seth, and soon after I decided to break up with Mike not for another man, but because I had no strong feelings for him. I was thinking I’d probably just break up with him after Bethie’s graduation fun the following weekend, since we already had plans to go.
Back to Saturday night. I got home from work, and still no word from Mike. Seth was at work, and knew I had left. I texted him to come take a shower with me, but he fucking flipped the norm and acted like it was strange that I said that, explaining that he was trying to get into a relationship with someone else in particular! I am well aware of that little Jedi mind trick people like to pull and fucking HATE it. I realized I couldn’t argue with him, because that would enhance his mind game and make me look crazy. I took the high road and told him no hard feelings, and have said a bare minimum to him at work since, avoiding eye contact. It pisses me off so much, especially because I suspected some game-playing in the beginning! I have been just kicking myself since then for falling for his stupid tricks. Ugh.
I was really bummed about that, but at least I would get to have sex with my boyfriend later. Right? I kept waiting for him to call as I took my time getting ready. I could have called him again, I suppose, but to be honest I was kind of excited about the prospect of a Saturday night of fun without him. To my chagrin, he never did bother calling that night. I had fun, considering, but was hurt that he would do that to me. Bethie and I discussed this at length–we go out with guys, believing they deserve a fair chance before we dismiss them for not being hot enough, or independent enough, or American enough, or nice enough, etc…and then THEY are the ones that end up screwing US over? We were doing you a FAVOR!
The next day I called him repeatedly (leaving one voicemail) because his phone was off. I was pretty shocked that he would be that disrespectful. It’s one thing to go on a few dates with someone, then don’t bother spelling it out in favor of telephone neglect, but we made a commitment to one another! We were a couple–it said so right there on Facebook! By then I was thinking that even if he had lost his phone or failed to receive my message, he could have tracked down my number and found some way to call me, come by my place, contacted me via Facebook, something. We had plans and he flaked, whether he knew I called or not. I finally got so upset I logged onto Facebook and listed my status as single. Fuck him. I don’t want a boyfriend like that and he doesn’t deserve a chance. Really, I should have known, since that’s the same thing he did last time. Only last time he didn’t call me his girlfriend or anything.
Monday I still hadn’t heard from him, so the nagging thought prancing around in the back of my mind kicked its way into view. What if something terrible has happened? it asked, inspiring a hypothetical sensation of guilt inside me. I pondered it for awhile. I didn’t want to backpedal and be all concerned and sympathetic, but I didn’t want to be a bitch to my hypothetically comatose boyfriend. Finally I arrived at a solution: a text message that said “Now I’m wondering if I should be worried instead of angry, because no one would be that much of a dick, right?” I resisted the urge to take advantage of my knowledge of his lack of text message plan and rack up his bill with incessant texts until he finally got around to calling me. For the time being, anyway. A couple hours later he texted back, apologizing for his selfishness, and explaining that he simply felt antisocial, and could he come over and apologize in person? I begrudgingly agreed.
The formal breakup (formal because I Facebook broke up with him Sunday, and it could be said that he broke up with me by blowing me off Saturday) was, annoyingly, a perfect parallel to our dismal relationship. He showed up with his proverbial tail between his legs, and we shared a brief conversation. “…so…are you finished with me?” he asked, after a feeble, excuse-less explanation. I nodded. No passion, no arguing, no pleading…just “guess it’s over” “yep.” Just like the previous Saturday night, when he could have called me back, but didn’t really care too; and I could have called him again, just didn’t care to.
My vexation about apathy for dudes I date is back. But I do have a theory to share: these guys that we date, that we think we are providing some sort of charity for settling or stooping to their level because they deserve a chance, too–they screw us over for one of two somewhat understandable reasons. Either they pick up on our charitable attitude and feel resentful, or maybe what we saw in the first place wasn’t a lack of sex appeal or class, but the fact that they are going to screw us over. In any case, I have learned a lesson in trying to be open-minded with who I date.
